When Scott Was Four

Not long after I concluded my summer-camp counseling job in 1997 -- when I was 19 -- I was back in the classifieds, looking for employment. My only experience at that point was delivering pizzas, delivering paper, landscaping work and working with kids.

Pizza delivery was out because, well, I didn't want to gain 30 pounds again and I was about done with trying to find a magic solution that would remove the onion smell from my hands. Delivering paper was out as well simply because it sucked. And it wasn't the right season for landscaping work.

That left a job working with kids. On my first interview at a preschool, the owner and I hit it off. She knew how important it was to have men working in the center, simply because a lot of baby's daddies weren't around so much anymore. A few hours after the interview concluded she called and offered me a teaching assistant position working in the classroom of 4-year-olds. I accepted.

The job was hilarious for numerous reasons. The kids were funny, they understood humor at that age, and the teacher and I got along really well. On most nights I would come home and relay to my mom the day's hilarity, and would often follow up with questions about what I was like at that age.

A few months later we were opening Christmas presents when I peeled the wrapping paper off what felt like a flimsy notebook. I looked at the cover and saw what it was. It was titled, "When Scott Was Four: In my own words," By, my mom.

When I was younger my mom kept a journal. (What now? Oh, it's something people did before blogs. With paper and, I think, something called a "pen.") Every night she would write down what was going on with our lives, what we had done that day and any particular problems she was having. So, for Christmas, she had gone back to her journal, typed up the selections from my fourth birthday to my fifth, and presented it to me.

There will never be a better gift. I read the whole thing in an hour and laughed hysterically. I have kept it safe and hidden and, once in a while, will pull it out from time to time and read through it again.

Well, just so you can get a litle snapshot of what I was like, here are some of the more interesting selections. As you read this, keep in mind that I was a very, well, difficult child. So, not much has changed, is what I'm saying. And, yes, my mother qualifies for Sainthood.

(Just for reference: Jack is my father, B.G. is my brother -- no it's not his name, it stands for Big Giant as he is 6'6" -- and Jason is a friend of mine...Enjoy.)

Sunday, April 18 -- Sunday, April 25, 1982: Great trip home -- kids wonderful in the car. One mishap -- Scott got his 4x4 (toy truck) caught in his hair and just went hysterical. Finally sobbed "I don't want to die!" Poor baby -- not sure he believed my reassurances but we did get the car untangled.

Wednesday, April 28, 1982: B.G. to preschool, then went to get Scott a new Michigan sweatshirt in Ann Arbor. Had Jason over -- he and Scott were pretty awful and it was a tough afternoon. Scott is just so sensitive and easily upset by Jason lately. We all walked over to the hills at the edge of our property -- Scott was scared and nervous and kept wanting to go home! Jack and I are concerned that we've taken all the adventurous spirit and guts out of him with our overcautious ways. Really feel worried about it. He used to be so independent and brave, and now he's afraid of everything -- new situations, climbing equipment, slides, etc.

Wednesday, May 19, 1982: Picked up Scott and Jason and took them to Wendy's. What a waste -- $7 and they ate nothing. Long afternoon here -- B.G. slept but Jason and Scott fought a lot and I was just so exasperated and fed up. Scott won't share, won't cooperate, is rude to me, pushes his friends around, screams and screeches when he doesn't get his way, and is unpleasant and very easily frustrated and/or upset.

Friday, May 21, 1982: Scott really sick all day...Sure don't mind taking care of him when he's sick, though -- he was so sweet and grateful.

Saturday, June 12, 1982: Scott, commenting on why I have lines in my forehead and he doesn't, "Cause I'm not old, I'm new!" Also, singing the last line of "For he's a jolly good fellow...and nobody can be nice!"

Wednesday, June 16, 1982: Chilly day and a real tough one with Scott. Didn't want to go to school, didn't want to go to Jason's, and when we got home he was mad at the world.

Sunday, June 20, 1982: Father's Day -- and not a very nice one for Jack. Went to Scott's open house in a downpour. Jack was watching the kids in the garage when he came in for a cup of coffee -- suddenly Scott came in crying hysterically. Jack went to check what was wrong and I heard Scott say, "B.G.'s in the street!" My heart just stopped. By the time I got there, Jack had already gotten to B.G., who was on the shoulder of the road. I tried to calm Scott down, but got hysterical myself. Upset all night.

Tuesday, June 29, 1982: Scott went to school OK, though he did run back out the door once he was inside.

Sunday, July 18, 1982: Scott told me he was going to marry me when he grew up.

Tuesday, July 20 -- Friday, July 23, 1982: Our first family vacation -- and actually it went well, all things considered. The kids were so cute and Scott especially was so excited about everything that we got a real kick out of it. ... One night on vacation Scott was mad at me and announced he was leaving our family and would go live with another family. Then, horrified at his words, he burst into tears. I told him it was OK, and that as a little girl I once said I wanted to be an only child. He said through his tears, "I know what you mean."

Monday, September 13, 1982: Couldn't sleep last night worrying about Scott's first day of school. He did fine, though -- what a huge relief. No clinging, no whining, no tears, no running after me, etc. Whew!!

Wednesday, September 15, 1982: Scott fine at school again -- yay. Had Jason here this afternoon -- he and Scott did fine except for one incident when Scott bit him in the face.* I just could've died.

Thursday, September 23, 1982: Scott asked me what a "bean" was today. I was confused and asked if he meant green, string, baked, waxed, etc., but no, he said he meant a "human bean."

Friday, October 1, 1982: I was singing "Summertime" on the way home and Scott asked me to stop. I said, "Don't you like my singing?" and he said no. Then a moment later, "But I like the way you talk, Mommy." Cute.

Friday, November 5, 1982: Off to the airport at 8 for the flight to Ottawa. I was nervous as could be. Flight was a bit bumpy at times -- Scott green and me shaking like a leaf. Ugh. On the plane, Scott said. "We should have drived in the car instead." I said, "But that would take two days!" He said, "Oh, that's OK."

Saturday, November 20, 1982: Scott is doing OK at school these days. I took him to see Disney's Great Ice Odyssey with Laurel and Katie on Saturday. He had a good time but was a bit hard on me -- refused to let me applaud the skaters and in the process knocked a coke on my lap, begged for a "happy lite," and promptly broke it, etc.

Saturday, December 11, 1982: We talked to Scott about donating some toys to poor children this morning. He said, "Daddy, why don't you tell those poor people about your bank, where you just press buttons to get money?"

Saturday, December 18, 1982: Mom and Dad arrived around 4. Scott was just beside himself with excitement. We barely held him off until 5. Nice time -- Scott loved his walkie-talkies, though he wouldn't even let one of them out of his sight so he basically doesn't get the concept!

Wednesday, December 22, 1982: ...Scott's been asking about the Millennium Falcon constantly and wants assurance that Santa will bring it. When I was evasive today he said, "Do you think I'm just not good enough?" Jack will buy it tomorrow -- what the hell.

Thursday, December 23, 1982: Went to Chuck E. Cheese's for dinner. (Aunt Tante) and (Uncle Bug) were amazed/appalled -- definitely not their kind of place. Scott had a huge tantrum over what table we should sit at. Right before we left Laurel had stopped by with their Christmas presents -- books. Scott was so disappointed and acted badly. Later, though, in the car, he brought up the incident several weeks ago with his new jacket -- how at first he'd been rude and upset but later had decided the jacket was really nice. He said, "I think I'll like this book later, too, Mommy." I guess we do expect too much when we hope he'll hide his disappointment. He's just not quite there yet, but his heart's in the right place.

Christmas Day, 1982: Scott and B.G. up at 5:45 a.m. and we held them off until 6. The first things they saw was E.T. peeking out of each of their stockings -- cute! They seemed to love their presents. They both especially liked the paramedic set and Scott was so excited about the Millennium Force -- glad we got it.

Sunday, December 26, 1982: Here.

Saturday, January 22, 1983: Rotten day. Kids were edgy and upset because we canceled our trip home this weekend. Nobody got along at all. Scott said, "B.G. is driving me up the wall...And down the wall, too!"

Wednesday, February 23, 1983: Really tired but had to go to the kindergarten readiness seminar at LFC...so glad we've decided to send Scott there. His Progress Report was excellent but I was disappointed his teacher didn't seem to have a handle on his personality the way his old teacher did. Still, no criticisms of his behavior, so I should be pleased and I am. No comment was made regarding his constant hanging on to his penis. We've talked to him about it and are practically nagging him now, but it's a real habit at this point.

Monday, March 7, 1983: Uneventful day until the afternoon at 4:30 when the tornado siren went off. Tried not to scare the kids too much, but sitting in the closet is a little too weird. Scott was most concerned about his Daddy and how he would get home. B.G. just trembled.

Friday, March 18, 1983: Boys stayed up late watching "Wizard of Oz." Not scared of the bad witch -- both boys just shot her with pretend guns.

Monday, April 4, 1983: What a day. B.G. had pushed a piece of foil wrapper from a chocolate egg up his nose yesterday morning. Called the doctor this morning to see what they thought -- they said definitely bring him in. Went this afternoon -- what a scene. B.G. screamed and Scott kicked the doctor several times because he was hurting B.G..

Friday, April 8, 1983: Busy all day getting set for Jenny's visit. I was up to my elbows in pizza dough when she arrived! Scott is just fine -- pleasant, polite, makes conversation, etc.! What a surprise to see none of his former self-consciousness and hostility! B.G., of course, is more self-conscious. Scowls and dashes around showing off. Brings his fists up under his arms and runs around with his elbows sticking out like wings -- that's when you know you'd better watch out.

Friday, April 15, 1983: What a day! Got things ready for tonight. Took cupcakes to school -- Scott seemed pleased but I was nervous about not having other bags of treats. Oh well. Things went OK at school for him. Busy afternoon. David and Steven arrived at 6 and all went perfectly. Scott was delighted to have them stay all night and they were all SO cute! Tore around like crazy and bounced on the bed and mattress in Scott's room but Jack and I stayed loose and let them enjoy. All in all a huge success and something I'll remember.

Saturday, April 16, 1983: Scott's Fifth!

(*Stone cold, bitches. Don't FUCK with my Play-doh.)