(Ed: This is a rolling list that, when the occasion calls for it, will be updated. New items will go on top, in bold. I'm not much for tagging, but I would encourage every blogger who reads this to start their own list. If you do, let me know and I'll link it at the bottom. This could get funny.)
* Holly, right...not Kelly. My fault.
* Where am I? At your mom's. You?
* Quit bringing all this negativity to the table, I'm trying to win, motherfucker.
* Where's the vodka? You hid it? Mom, that's not cool.
* Follow you into the ladie's room? Uhh, OK.
* No, you're not tall enough to be a model.
* Get off your fat asses and CHEER GODDAMMIT!
* Governor, do you smoke? Good, let's step outside and I'll tell you how to handle the homeless population.
* Huh...I uh...no....hold on, let me blow in that beathalyzer again. That can't be right.
* Jesus, you're such a fucking tragedy.
* That's OK, this is going to make a great story tomorrow.
* Hi, I'm Chris
* Why is your dog chewing my fucking glasses?
* Just one more drink.
* Here's what you should do: Go home, put on every sweater you own, go into the bathroom, turn off the lights, sit in the bathtub and cry. Because, clearly, you're life is a mess.
* You're gonna puke? Yea? Want some scrambled eggs?
* Absolutely, that shot of tequila is a great idea.
* Get a picture of me and this doe.
* I'm sorry I peed on your couch.
* I'm sorry I peed on you.
* Go fuck yourself.
* Clearly you're not Irish. You drink like a fuckin' Brit.
* You can't be drunk. You only had two beers. NOW GET UP OFF THE FUCKING GROUND!
* This water tastes like ass.
* I'll drive!
* You're fucking kidding me, you're cutting us OFF?!
* How fun are you on a scale of 1 to 10? A 10 being you show your tits.
* Hi, I'm John.
* Of course this is a good idea.
* Don't hate!
* I'm so ashamed. (Said before passing out.)
* Of course I'll call you.
* No way, I'll pay the tab.
* Hi, I'm Jason.
* I'm a doctor. Now what you wanna do is ice it for 15 minutes and take off the ice for 15 minutes. No, I don't think it's sprained.
* Boss, I'm pretty sure it's about time for a raise.
* Here, take my lighter, I'm gonna go hit on that girl in the sundress.
* Of course this won't hurt.
* I'm a tobacco farmer.
* I'm a horse trainer.
* I'm a pilot.
* I'm a garbage man.
* I'm a professional rodeo clown.
* Yes, I'll have another.
(As always, friends are encouraged to comment or e-mail and inform me of other things I've said. I am sure I am missing tons.)
Other drunkards who speak their minds: HabitatforInhumanity
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
9 comments:
You forgot the second part of the "scale of 1 to 10" quote. Which was, as soon as we walked away from the conversation...
"[Cheese] why the FUCK did you bring up the tits comment? So not cool!!!"
I like to think that I've never been so drunk as to not say stupid things. But then again, maybe not. I think it's just that I'm not cool enough to say cool things when I'm tanked.
@Cheese: Holy shit that's hilarious.
@BadGirl: Clearly you are not trying hard enough. That mean's it's time to practice. Have a drink.
You forgot: "leage a key" and "ehcat?"
1. You have had more black guys in you than the Amistad.
2. Your wife is kind of a douche.
3. I'm pleasant!
@Harry: Thank you for making me laugh my ass off. Wow.
1. You want me to eat what? (said at a 99 restaurant where they wouldn't serve us any more alcohol until we ate a plate of rubbery dinner rolls)
2. I'm going to regret this tomorrow.
3. I'm never drinking again.
Ha.
The things i say aren't as funny as, perhaps when i wake up without pants on again, time after time.
the vodka/mom comment is my favorite. hahahaha
Post a Comment