Things about me that are kind of gay:
1.) I live with two chihuahuas. No, they are not mine, they are Princess's. But still, when I am home alone during the day and the UPS guy comes to drop off a package and the two tiny dogs run to the door, I know what he's thinking.
2.) I care about how I look. Yes, actually I do. I know, God forbid nowadays that men actually care about fashion and grooming and hygiene, but I do. Years ago I swore I would never wear hair product or give a shit. Somewhere along the way that changed. My hair just looks silly without anything in it, and I promise I would just cut it real short and roll that way, but my head is the shape of a perfect egg. Hair hides that shape.
3.) When no one is home I will sometimes watch Beverly Hills 90210 reruns on the Soap Network. I guess I should probably file this under "Things about me that are REALLY gay." But whatever.
4.) I have been caught watching the Oxygen Network. I make no apologies, St. Elmo's Fire was on and I wanted to watch.
5.) I wanted to watch St. Elmo's Fire. Fuck you, it's a good movie.
6.) I am tidy. I'm not saying I am a complete Nazi about it, but I clean up after myself relatively well and can't stand it when there's shit all over my room. (Both figuratively and literally. Sometimes the dogs sneak in there and drop a deuce on my carpet.)
7.) I read Esquire and, occasionally, GQ. But it's for the articles, I swear.
8.) I know who Steve Madden, Salvatore Ferragamo and Tory Burch are. Not only that, but when I double-checked the spelling by typing "Salvatore Ferragamo" into a Google search I had it right the first time. However, on a recent date, I pointed out to the woman that I liked her Tory Burch shoes. She later told me she was impressed.
9.) No. 8. I mean, seriously.
Things about me that are not gay:
1.) I like having sex with women.
2.) I don't want to have sex with men.
So there you have it. Feel free to mock and ridicule all you want. I'm here for your pleasure.
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9 comments:
How about the Halloween costume? That was pretty gay
I disagee with your theory. That is the same as saying Russell Crowe looked gay in "The Gladiator" and that, well, pretty much every character looked gay in "300."
So that's, ahem, Bullshit.
when you look and/or fight like Russell Crowe or the guys from 300, then we can talk....
I'm thinking you need to add one or two in the "not gay" column cause right now you're, at best, dead even.
@Cheese: Fair enough. Prepare to dine in hell, bitch. ANd by hell I, of course, mean Arby's. Why the fuck can't there be an Arby's around here?
@OTV: You don't think 1 and 2 under the "Not Gay" category more than make up for the other category? No? OK, how about: I have a deep passion for sports, I don't get any part of my body waxed, and...yea, I think I'm going to have to play the "like to have sex with women" card again. And if that is unacceptable I'll play the "I have sex with women" card. OK, I better run before I start protesting too much. Shit.
I'd gladly dine in hell every night if they have an Arby's
mmmmmmm Arby's
Hmmm...I think they call this metrosexual.
I think more guys are like you than are willing to admit. The fact that you are comfortable enough with your sexuality and masculinity to admit this shit means you're more of a man than the cavemen who grunt, scratch their balls and then smell their fingers.
1) the fact that these aren't yours is really good - little dogs ARE gay - and I HATE that they have become an accessory for girls trying really hard to look like princesses. They serve no purpose other than annoying the fuck out of people. Oh yeah - I'm a big dog person....I don't feel the need to show off how girly I am by carrying a dog in a purse.
2)A guy who doesn't care how he looks is a caveman...see above....and completely undesirable.
3)That's just cute. I have an ex-boyfriend very much like you who is even gayer. After a night out with his buddy (a super drunken night out), they watched a 90210 marathon laying in the same bed. Yes. It's true. They are not gay. Rather...they are both as hetero as it gets...BELIEVE IT!
4 & 5)this is also very cute...St. Elmo's Fire is an awesome movie. It's not a chick flick, is it? I don't think so...no worries.
6)Will you come and clean my house?
8)you out-chicked me here. WOW. And, I'm all about shoes and purses....but you totally out-chicked me.
I was riding the elevator one day and a guy I don't know told me he loved my shoes...and he wasn't gay. I thought that was awesome. Very very slick.
Salvatore Ferragamo and Tory Burch ... who are they?? Wait, upon reading further Tory Burch is a shoe designer.. I assume then that Salvatore is as well.
I've... never heard of 'em
@Kat: Perhaps, but there must be varying degrees of metrosexuals. I think that term has almost fallen out of context as dudes in super skinny jeans head to the parlor to get an eyebrow, back and sack wax. That would not be me. (Oh, and in the future, could we go with "less straight," instead of "gayer" when referencing others in comparison with me?....that'd be great. I promise never to sit in bed with another man and watch, well, anything.)
@deutlich: Salvatore Ferragama is primarily shoes and men's fashion. Very expensive. Needless to say, I do not own anything of his. Tory Burch designs shoes and clothes for women and....yea, I have to go scratch my balls now and watch football. This is getting out of hand.
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