Uses Flippers, Not a Diver

I guess when I drink heavily my normally high cognitive reasoning skills fall to pieces. A few months back when I was still living in Michigan, Shortcake and I were out with some of her nerdy, errrr, very smart friends at this bar in Ann Arbor.

The bar has long picnic tables, plenty of board games and homegrown organic beer, or some shit. It tastes real good, but it knocked me on my ass.

At some point, I'm assuming it was toward the end of the night, one of Shortcake's friend slides up to me with a pad of paper, draws a hangman and seven blank spaces.

Game on, bitch. I fucking rule at Hangman.

I guess L.

-----LL.

B.

---B-LL.

A.

---BALL.

My thought process: Well, it's not a sport, obviously, because there needs to be more letters. What the fuck? Oh...Gumball.

G.

A head on the gallows.

O.

A trunk connected to the head.

E.

A pair of legs. (Which I argued was BULLSHIT because he drew them in a boomerang fashion. So basically I was getting twice the penalty for only one wrong answer. He didn't see it my way.)

Still baffled. Still staring at the piece of paper.

The guy, who didn't even know me, probably thought at this point that he chose to play a game with a functioning retarded man who has somehow managed to socially succeed in life while covering up his blatant ignorance.

He took pity.

He writes: "Hint, uses flippers."

"Well, divers use flippers," I said.

He writes "Not related to divers."

Shit.

S.

Two feet on the gallows. I argue that I get two free guesses because feet don't travel in pairs, technically speaking. Each of my feet is its own entity, and therefore should be prescribed to hang one by one. He concedes.

M."Nope."He again writes: "Hintz, takes quarters."

Yea, fucking great. At this stage of shaky drunkeness he might as well have put a pot and a pan in front of me and let me bang them together to entertain my retarded brain.

One more guess.

Um......F.

"Dude, no, it's PINBALL. Uses flippers! Take quarters! It's right over there man."

He points about 20 feet away where, sure enough, there's a pinball machine.

Shit.