Back to you, Diane

There's really no need to watch The Weather Channel when you live here in summer. Chances are it's going to be fucking hot, with the possibility of more humidity.

However.

This sounds bad, but I love natural disasters.

Tornadoes.....



Hurricanes.....



Earthquakes....



Volcanoes.....




And Blizzards...(Ohh hell yes, especially blizzards.)



Yea, maybe love isn't the right word. Let's say...intrigued. About as intrigued as a cat with a laser pointer....on speed.

So when Hurricane Dean started to become, well, the potential for something big I immediately started glueing myself to the Weather Channel.

Lemme tell ya right now, Jim Cantore (the bald guy) has the best fucking job there is.

He gets to travel to exotic locations, mainly where it's warm, and witness pandemonium. He gets to see big ass waves and witness the wrath of Mother Nature. He gets to feel like a bad ass when he's standing in 150 mph winds and bullet-fast rain trying to give updates to the soft asses back in the studio.

And that's pretty much it.



Awesome.

Since I didn't major in meteorology I would have to take it the next level to score a job there. I would tell The Weather Channel to drop me in a clear fiberglass tube with a video camera, some oxygen, a few peanut butter and jelly sandwhiches and a mic. Then I would have them DROP my ass inside the hurricane.

None of this "standing on shore" shit.

So, to The Weather Channel executives reading this, if you want the best ratings you could possibly hope to get for a channel that does nothing but weather, gimme a call.

(Oh. On another note, I just learned that my large hope of there ever being a Hurricane Scott is all but destroyed. They use a rotating list of six names A through W. They only add a name when one is so bad they "retire" it, so as not to be insensitive....or tease the fuck out of fate, I guess. Since they've been naming hurricanes for the past 50-plus years there has been only one "S" hurricane that was so bad it was retired. That would be Stan, in 2005. Hurricane Stan? More like Hurricane Lame. Here are the other "S" names....Shary, Sandy, Sebastien, Sally, Sam and Sean.....Shit. C'mon climate change, let's get going.)