The Big Cheese

So, if you see Cheese today wish him a happymotherfuckingbirthday....

..and enjoy the Top 5.

5.) It was my first weekend living here and Cheese had told me about this amazing Mexican restaurant only a few blocks from our house that serves massive margaritas. So, the two of us headed up there on a Sunday night.

Indeed, the margaritas were monstrous. They are 26 oz. big (We call them Birdbaths) and knock you on your ass after a couple sips. I swear they are laced with some kind of inner-Mexico secret hallucinogen. Either that or I am a raging alcoholic and love tequila drunk. There have to be at least three shots in each, maybe more, because it pretty much tastes like straight tequila heaven.

We each had three.

.....yea, 78 oz. of margafuckingritas.

Not only were we both shit faced, but we really didn't consider how much the margaritas cost (funny how that happens when you drink.)

When our bill came it was $112. For two of us.

I still have the receipt.

4.) Back in June we met up with a couple people Cheese works with to see our beloved Detroit Tigers when they were playing the Nationals. We had a few (five) beers before we left and undertook some pretty dedicated drinking at the game.

By the 6th inning we were both pretty lit up, as we were averaging a beer every half inning.

All of a sudden Cheese stands up and walks down the stairs without saying a word.

His friends asked where he was and I had no idea.

I found out later.

"Yea, I had to throw up."

To date he's the only person I know who has thrown up at a baseball game.

Awesome.

3.) One night we were out at the bar and got pretty drunk. I left Cheese in the company of a woman. I stumble my ass home, crawl into bed and pass out.

The next thing I know the phone is ringing.

It's about 7 a.m.

Cheese: Dude, can you come pick me up? I can't walk anymore.
Me: Where the fuck are you?
Cheese: The 7-11. I just slammed a Gatorade and I almost threw up.

As it turns out he wanted to peace the fuck out of said woman's house as early as possible.

She didn't live close by.

When I picked him up he hopped in and I asked him how far he had been walking.

Cheese: Dude, like three miles.

...with a brutal hangover.

2.) Back in May I was out and about on a Saturday night when I got this text message from Cheese, who was at a wedding in Indy.

"I jstu got cutt off form n open bar at the recption..."

....Ladies and gentleman, that's talent.

1.) All of those stories are from the past few months, but the best Cheese story is from the summer after we graduated from college in 2003. He and I were hanging out with my girlfriend and a friend of ours at my house in Michigan.

The four of us start drinking heavily in the early evening. My sister, who was 16 then, was also home and was really enjoying hanging out with the older group. I found out why she enjoyed it so much a few weeks later.

Cheese and our friend were feeding my sister shots of Jaigermeister when I would sneak out for a smoke.

All total, my sister -- who never drank before that night -- did eight.....ahem.....eight shots of Jaiger in about three hours.

It ended with her asking me if she could scratch my teeth (as she held up a finger) because, and I quote, "They look like they ish."

Me: You're just acting drunk, but I know you aren't.

I was wrong. She passed out shortly thereafter.

Happy Birthday Cheese. Thanks for the good times....

....and for being cool when I peed on your couch.