As I work from home I sometimes miss out on the bullshit that is so regular in a large office. I miss it because, from time to time, it can be highly entertaining.
Enter an e-mail Cheese received the other day as he was getting ready to leave his office.
Here it is:
Well, I've been back a biweek, and already some weasel has stolen something of mine out of a refrigerator sometime before about 1:00PM today.
If there's any justice, the perpetrator will get food poisoning since that bottle of fat-free Thousand Island dressing had been sitting out in my office since last Thursday and I only just put it back into the refrigerator this morning. Here's wishing you choke on it.
I wrote the above at about 1:00PM but decided to wait to see if my wayward bottle came home. Sure enough, I just checked again at 4:15PM and it's back, much the lighter for its little vacation away from the shelf I placed it on.
Well, I haven't heard any sirens, so I imagine you didn't choke on it, but hope springs eternal: there's always tomorrow.
In the meantime, to the little worm that used it--you might as well take the one ounce you left in the bottle since I don't particularly feel like eating it anymore.
Cheers,
[name redacted]
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3 comments:
God that cheered me up, especially at the end of a LONG day.
His follow-up e-mail, about an hour later:
Okay, now that most everyone on the 8th Floor have read my first message, I'll bother you just once more. I was really only half-serious with my angry tone the first time. I understand people can make false assumptions about who owns what, or what did you bring in this week, or whatever. Using a couple ounces of my salad dressing is not that big a deal, and I would never wish ill on anyone (you might want to watch yourself for food poisoning symptoms, though--I am serious about leaving it out since last Thursday). That said... c'mon guy (or gal), didn't your mother teach you to respect other people's property?
Besides, this place is a ghost town; it needs a little livening up.
Hilarious. We got about 2-3 e-mails back from people pissed off that someone would waste "precious e-mail server space" to send such a message.
I sent him an e-mail back thanking him for giving me some humor in my day.
you should check out passiveagressivenotes.com
and also, gross.
finally, why is it that people don't laugh at absurd things more often? why is everything so freaking serious?
Cheese: Thanks for the post material. It was fucking hilarious. And good for you sending him an e-mail encouraging these antics. Everyone needs to laugh more.
Verbal: Yes, I agree, too many people take themselves, and life, way to fucking seriously.
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