The Am-bush

It was a perfect spot for an ambush.

The street was skinny, with only enough room to squeeze your car though, since cars were parked along both sides. Houses flanked the dead-end street. And there were no street lights.

It was, by all measures, perfect.

Princess, the roommate, drove me down to the end of the street to show me a house. It was nice, with a small front yard and in a nice location. Not much to see though, I mean, it was dark. I agreed with her assessment of the house and we decided to head home.

She put her little sports car in reverse and started heading back down the street when I glanced up at the three-story apartment building at the end of the dead-end street. And that's when it happened.

We were ambushed by boobs.

Me: "Ho.Lee.Shit."

Princess stopped the car. She followed my stare to the window on the third floor and saw the same thing I did.

Princess: "...Is? Is she? Dude, is she....showering?"

Yes, yes she was.

There was no shame in this act, as far as the woman was concerned. She stood there, in front of a very large window. Sure, the window contained a small film from the steam, but you could clearly make out her, ahem, upper body.

Me: "She has to know what she's doing, right? I mean, she HAS to know."
Princess: "How could she NOT know, she's standing in front of a fucking open window, with her LOOFA hanging on it from a hook."

And the performer didn't seem to have any qualms with twirling herself in front of the window.

I looked around. Certainly the neighbors were aware of what was going on. But if they did they apparently were choosing to enjoy this show from the seclusion -- and privacy -- of their own home.

Princess killed the lights.

To be honest, I felt a little better sitting there watching it with a woman. I mean, I'm not sure I know many guys who would walk away, but Princess' presence gave me some modicum of legitimacy, and decency.

Princess: "Do you have a fucking boner?"

Me: [laughing] "Dude, no. It takes a little more than seeing a half-naked woman from 100 yards away. I'm not in high school."

For a few minutes we continued to watch in silence. The woman shampooed, rinsed and washed. Then she started brushing the steam from the window, giving anyone watching a much less obstructed view.

Princess and I looked at one another with a "No fucking way" look on both our faces, as this even more exposed the woman to the little street.

Me: [Apropos of absolutely nothing] "I bet she just got back from a run."
Princess: "You think she's Middle Eastern?"
Me [long pause] ".....No, dude....a run, not Iran."

After our hysterical laughter died down, we looked back to the window. The woman lifted a leg and placed it against the wall of the shower, exposing most of her body in the process. It was clear she was getting ready to shave her legs.

Princess: "No way, no woman shaves her legs that way."

That was enough to convince Princess that this act was, in deed, a performance by what must be the D.C. Metro area's most talented exhibitionist.

We left shortly thereafter.

And, yes, they were nice.